Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Part One - VI : "We All Have Bad Days"

Part One

Chapter VI

We All Have Bad Days

"Just take it already!"

I wish she would just shut up. This is not the easiest thing in the world to do. This could change my life forever. I wish Josh was here. I can not go through this alone, why have I gone all week listening to Alicia? I should have called him and told him I am up here, I should have let him come and see me. I need to talk to him, I need him here with me.

"Was there a pay phone at that corner store we passed a mile before the cabin?"

"Yeah I think so, why? Are you going to go and call Josh?"

"Yes, I need to talk to him about this, now not next week."

"Well just use the cabin phone then!"

"Sarah is on it, plus I could use the fresh air and privacy to talk to him."

It was a week ago that we got up here, and all week this is all I have thought about. I am going crazy, there is no way I can wait another week, it is just not a possibility; and there is no way I wanted Alicia over my shoulder listening in.

"You're not going to find out first? What are you going to say to him? That you might be pregnant? That sounds like a great idea, so for the rest of the week he can be held in tortured suspense along with you. Do yourself a favor and find out first, then call him."

She is right. I need him, but making him wait along with me until we are together again is not fair.

"I'll take it now, and bring it with me. I'll find out when I call him."

This was not the answer that she was hoping for. I know the suspense was eating at her too, but nowhere near as much as it was for me. Josh deserves to know before anyone else, and that is how it had to be.

"Can I borrow your car?"

Sighing she reluctantly nodded.

"Of course."

Grabbing the test from the bag I went for the bathroom. When I came out Alicia was standing there just holding the bag in her hand, she looked worried.

"Just be careful, and whatever it is, remember you are not alone. You have Josh, and you have me too."

She opened up the bag for me to put the test back in.

"Thanks Alicia, I don't know what I would do without you."

I grabbed the keys off of the table and then went out the door. It said on the side of the box to place the test on a level surface, but the passenger seat would have to do.

I do not know what I am going to do if the test is positive. I am too young to have a baby, I am still in school and Josh works full time. Would we get an apartment? Would we stay at his parents? What are my parents going to say? I guess I could transfer to a local school, maybe even take a year off. I could work for a few months and save some money. Will he want me to get rid of it? What if he hates me? I have no idea how this happened, we were always so safe. What if he leaves me? He might think it's not even his and leave me. I need him, there is no way I can do this by myself.

By now the tears had started falling down my cheeks, I swear this five minute drive has already taken an hour.

Maybe things will not be so bad. We both said someday we wanted kids. I know we were hoping years from now, but still, I already know this is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. We could start our life early. After we get a place to live we could decorate the baby's room. We never discussed taking things to the next level, but we have been together for almost three years.

Finally, the corner store. I would have missed it if a car with a couple girls in it didn't almost side swipe me as they came out of the parking lot. I pulled up along side of it and got out of the car.

"It's going to be okay, everything is going to be fine, we'll get through this."

The phone had something on the receiver, but at this point I did not care. I just held it at a safe distance from my face and turned up the volume. I am glad Josh's house phone has not changed in three years, cause if it wasn't programmed into me already, there was no way I would be able to remember a number in this mind set. I realized shortly after the second ring that I stopped breathing when I began to dial the number.

"It's going to be okay."

Ring, Ring.

"We'll get through this."

Ring, Ring.

"We have to get through this."



His mom.

"Hi Mrs. Duffy, is Josh home?"


"Oh hi Angel! No dear I am sorry, he just left with Alex a few minutes ago."

Breathe Deep.

"Do you know when he will be home?"

"He had packed some clothes to take with him, I think he said he'd be home sometime next weekend. I guess Alex and him went on a little trip, you know how those boys are."

Breathe again. Keep breathing.

"Angel, is everything okay? You seem upset."

Upset? You haven't the faintest idea Gramma! I can not believe he is gone for a week, I need him to be here with me, I need him to tell me everything is going to be alright.

"I'm, I'm fine, I just, miss him."

"Well if he calls here I'll let him know you called, is there a number he can reach you at?"

"No, that's okay, I'll just see him Friday. Thanks though."

"No problem dear, you take care okay?"

"I'll try Mrs. Duffy, goodbye."

A week is too long for me to wait. I need to know, and I need to know now. The images of our future unfolding and how different our life is about to be were all I could think of as I opened the door and grabbed the bag. A picture hanging up in our apartment of the baby, Josh and I. I had to strain through these thoughts to even read the test.

"Negative? I'm not pregnant? I'm not pregnant! I'm not, pregnant..."

A wave of relief washed over me, although the images of our almost future still were burned in my mind. Josh standing over a crib in a gender matching painted room. A big smile on his face. I know in reality we are no where near ready for this, but for a moment, I feel as if I was, as if I would have been ready if needed. I don't know if I should even tell Josh about the scare, or if I should keep it to myself. No, he would want to know, I should tell him. I began to think of ways to break the news without freaking him out as I drove away from the pay phone.

"Not pregnant."

Staring at the small line on the test now on my passenger seat, I didn't bother to look where I was headed. I pulled right out into the road, in the way of a pick-up truck. Hearing the crash was the last thing I remembered before everything went black.

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